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A Kiss On The Hand Can Be Quite Continental -

I'm sure you've read the story by now. Poor little six-year-old Johnathan Prevette liked a little girl in his class - and apparently she liked him - and so he kissed her.

Immediately our politically correct (we know what's best for your child) educrats went nuts. "Sexual predator," they cried. "Male beast," they lamented. And they promptly suspended little Johnathan for sexual harassment.

So, why are you surprised by their reaction to a normal little boy doing what innocent little boys and girls have done since the beginning of time? I've told you - these humorless, self-righteous social planners with their psychology degrees are running rampant over the schools. This is just one ridiculous story that got out. Hundreds happen every day.

Take a closer look at your school and then run these idiots out before they ruin the innocence of all the children.

...BUT IF YOU MUST TOUCH - MAKE SURE TO USE THE PC HUG

So if innocent pecks on the cheek are sexual harassment, how do the sufficiently enlightened do it? That's easy - use the politically correct hug!

According to the Green Party of Europe, instead of the full frontal embrace, which the party regards as menacing and sexually predatory, this new hug is more gentle and supportive. "The initial touch should be applied to the shoulders or the middle of the back - definitely not the waist (too sexual) or the head (to patronizing). Next, an arm is placed around the shoulders, applied only from the side. The final phase is the embrace from the front without the bodies touching. Arms should be placed around the shoulders."

They're serious. I told you these people are nuts.